THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LONELINESS AND SOLITUDE

SUNRISE SOLITUDE, Kiawah, SC

I lived alone for a short time after I graduated from college and started my first real job at Hercules.  Karen and I were married not too long after that when she graduated.  We were together for 44 years until cancer took her life almost 17 years ago.  I was in the process of adjusting to living alone once again and walking into a restaurant where the hostess asked “How many?”, answering “one please”, and getting an unwelcome response of “Oh, Just One?”   And then I walked into a small restaurant for a late lunch in Blowing Rock where I was photographing the fall colors.  The owner approached me and asked the usual “How many?”  But then she surprised me when I responded “One Please” and she replied “Oh, then you’ll be in good company!”  I left a generous tip that day, not for the service or food which was excellent, but the life lesson from a woman who knew the difference between loneliness and solitude.  

About one fourth of the nation’s people live alone.  With the exception of a catastrophic accident, most all couples will face the prospect of living alone after one departs.  Even those who live with a partner experience time alone together.  I’ve observed couples dining out that make it through an entire meal without being in conversation.  People can be alone in a crowd.  People attending events such as a church service who arrive, go directly to their chosen pew, and then exit to the parking lot, practice “getting together alone”.  And how often do we see images of teenagers and now older folks out in public and alone together staring at their cell phones?

There are many positive values to the concept of solitude, however.  Paul Tillich writes that “Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone and solitude expresses the glory of being alone”.  The frenzied mother of four small children certainly understands the glory of some alone time.  Solitude is pleasant; loneliness not so much.  Solitude is good medicine for recharging and reflection!  Jesus often went away to be in solitude to pray and escape the demanding crowds. 

Finally, loneliness can be offset by learning our way around it and focusing on liking the person you have spent your entire life with in both good times and bad.  All people need a support network and social connections, like joining a breakfast club!  We were created in God’s image as relational beings after all!  And our creator has gone on record, as committing to be with us always.  So, we’re never really alone!   But of course, relationship is a two-way street.  We have to take time out to nurture that relationship and open up to the joys and concerns of our life.  We have to make a habit of talking and listening or we’ll simply coexist alone together.

No troubling emotion can resist grace forever,

especially the grace of God promising to be with us forever!     

 

TOGETHER APART, Under the Lover’s Moon

MOON RISE, MONT SAINT-MICHEL

BLOOD MOON 2022

The satellite presence of a full harvest moon overhead will at times catch our attention when we least expect it.  Other phases of the moon are seemingly less impressive, but that reflective orb is always with us, even though we urban dwellers most often go about our lives without notice.  And the artificial light pollution within our cities terribly reduces the full splendor of every night sky on the planet.

At any point in time, half of the world can view the moon and the other half can see the sun.  That generally implies that most everyone within our circle of influence will be sharing our experience with the constellations at the same time.  The recent celestial event of a full blood moon was viewed by many of us and it occurs when the moon’s orbit places it fully in the earth’s shadow, allowing mostly longer wavelengths of red and orange to reflect back to the optics available to us earth-bound human beings.

Whenever I’m in a position to view a full moon, especially in the fall, my memory instantly returns to a long-ago time in the Georgia mountains north of Atlanta.  My young wife Karen and I hadn’t been separated since our wedding, but my new career involved traveling out to production plants for various projects.  I’m told the area is now a sophisticated location of beautiful retirement and second homes, but not back then.  We visitors stayed in the only motel in the area which was affectionately called “The Hilton”.  When I checked in late one afternoon, I asked for a “wake up call”.  The clerk smiled, reached under the counter for an alarm clock and noted that he closed up at dinner time and besides, there were no phones in the rooms anyway!  However, he did point to a lone weathered phone booth out front in the gravel drive next to the two-lane highway. 

The sun had receded over the mountains by the time I returned from a short dinner, but there was a beautiful full moon illuminating the landscape outside.  Needless to say, there was no problem here with artificial light pollution.   I wandered over to the darkened phone booth out in the cool mountain air and was able to reach my young bride.  We briefly talked awhile under the lover’s moon and I asked her if she could also see its beauty that night.  She replied that she had indeed noticed it and could still view it outside our apartment window in the Kansas City suburbs.

That was the tender moment when we both realized that although we were apart, we could both be together in the same place for a little while.  And although we were separated at the time, we had the expectation of being together again later.  I still believe that our spirits can share that moment every time I pause to reflect on the light of a full moon.

P.S.

The Eagles lead singer Glenn Frey cowrote a song with Jack Tempchin titled Lover’s Moon that ends with these two stanzas:

There's a lover's moon tonight
Shining down on half of this world
So many souls are in its light
But for me there is just one girl

And she's waiting, I know she's waiting
I know she waits for me
Under the lover's moon

 

ICONIC IMAGE OF MY 2020 PERSON OF THE YEAR

Doctor and Patient, Houston, TX

I recognize that I’m premature in writing a reflective post about the 2020 Covid-19 pandemic, but my first impression of the accompanying photograph by GO Nackamura in Houston, Texas is that it’s truly iconic.  This symbolic image of Doctor Joseph Varon and his ICU Covid patient at United Memorial Medical Center captures the unspeakable toll on all humanity during this crisis.  And our frontline medical workers are also succumbing to the virus contracted by the very people they are trying to save.  Thanksgiving Day 2020 was Dr.Varon’s 252nd consecutive work day without a break.  He noted that nurses were crying in the middle of the day because more patients were being admitted than there were nurses to care for them. 

Nurse Carol Williams posted a powerful message on Facebook after an exhausting shift at Rush-Copley Medical Center in Aurora, IL.  Her photo and the words in her post were also very compelling including these:

“Below is me after spending 5 hours inside a Covid positive ICU room working to save a patient. In this moment, I felt defeated because I already knew what the outcome would be even though it hadn't happened yet.  The inability to save a patient despite doing everything you can is mentally exhausting. Now imagine doing that on repeat for 8 months and counting.”

Nurse Williams concluded that “We need to come together as a country, NOW.”

Yes, we’re all dealing with Covid fatigue.  Yes, we’re all missing literal face time with family and friends.  Yes, we’re all weary of staying at home.  Yes, we’re all longing for the freedom that Americans normally enjoy.  Yes, we’re all just a little bit spoiled by instant gratification.  And yes, we’re all in this together because our frontline healthcare workers deserve our support and prayers for a while longer.