THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LONELINESS AND SOLITUDE

SUNRISE SOLITUDE, Kiawah, SC

I lived alone for a short time after I graduated from college and started my first real job at Hercules.  Karen and I were married not too long after that when she graduated.  We were together for 44 years until cancer took her life almost 17 years ago.  I was in the process of adjusting to living alone once again and walking into a restaurant where the hostess asked “How many?”, answering “one please”, and getting an unwelcome response of “Oh, Just One?”   And then I walked into a small restaurant for a late lunch in Blowing Rock where I was photographing the fall colors.  The owner approached me and asked the usual “How many?”  But then she surprised me when I responded “One Please” and she replied “Oh, then you’ll be in good company!”  I left a generous tip that day, not for the service or food which was excellent, but the life lesson from a woman who knew the difference between loneliness and solitude.  

About one fourth of the nation’s people live alone.  With the exception of a catastrophic accident, most all couples will face the prospect of living alone after one departs.  Even those who live with a partner experience time alone together.  I’ve observed couples dining out that make it through an entire meal without being in conversation.  People can be alone in a crowd.  People attending events such as a church service who arrive, go directly to their chosen pew, and then exit to the parking lot, practice “getting together alone”.  And how often do we see images of teenagers and now older folks out in public and alone together staring at their cell phones?

There are many positive values to the concept of solitude, however.  Paul Tillich writes that “Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone and solitude expresses the glory of being alone”.  The frenzied mother of four small children certainly understands the glory of some alone time.  Solitude is pleasant; loneliness not so much.  Solitude is good medicine for recharging and reflection!  Jesus often went away to be in solitude to pray and escape the demanding crowds. 

Finally, loneliness can be offset by learning our way around it and focusing on liking the person you have spent your entire life with in both good times and bad.  All people need a support network and social connections, like joining a breakfast club!  We were created in God’s image as relational beings after all!  And our creator has gone on record, as committing to be with us always.  So, we’re never really alone!   But of course, relationship is a two-way street.  We have to take time out to nurture that relationship and open up to the joys and concerns of our life.  We have to make a habit of talking and listening or we’ll simply coexist alone together.

No troubling emotion can resist grace forever,

especially the grace of God promising to be with us forever!     

 

THE GIFTS OF PAIN AND FEAR

A New Day, Kiawah Island, SC

Worry, Anxiety, Courage and Hope

Pain and fear are great gifts from God that none of us want and none of us can live without.  We all go through seasons of worry and anxiety because of the nature of the broken world we live in and the function of the early development deep within our brain that alerts us to danger for survival.  When I first read about the “gift of pain” in a Philip Yancey book, I was incredulous that pain would even be considered as a gift.  But on further examination it became apparent that without the sensations of pain that are transmitted to our brains we are subject to all manner of life threatening injuries.  Sadly, the many instances that result in the loss of limbs in lepers is not the direct result of this terrible disease, but the loss of feeling on nerve endings which leprosy destroys.  This lack of pain sensations results in a person not alerted to a severe cut or infection that soon can cause the loss of a limb.

The amygdala area of our brain provides us such critical functions as automatic breathing and the “gift of fear”.  Once Again, calling the very real experience of fear a gift seems to be a big stretch!  But we’re a direct product of the DNA of our very early ancestors that were primitive survivors of all manner of threats to their lives such as volcanic eruptions and attacks from saber tooth tigers!  Today we have weapons of mass destruction, terrorism, plagues and many other new threats to our existence.  The red flag of fear results in the automatic response of fight, flight or freeze!  Even today this response can save our lives, but if the response begins to recycle in our head it can also quickly get out of control.

Adam Hamilton in his book on Unafraid offers an acronym to combat our fears:

·         Face your fears with faith.  (Scripture can be helpful)

·         Examine your assumptions in light of the facts.  (Don’t rely on a runaway imagination)

·         Attack your anxieties with action.  (Therapy can be helpful)

·         Release your cares to God.  (Turn over those things totally out of your control)

·          

The instruction “Do not be afraid” in one form or another appears over 140 times in scripture.  That teaches us that fear like pain is ageless but faith can help us find peace.  Many heroes have stated that courage isn’t the absence of fear, but rather moving through our fear in spite of it.  My physical therapist helping me recover from a total knee replacement advised me to consider pain as “weakness leaving my body”. 

One of my favorite quotes from Mary Anne Radmacher is that “Courage does not always roar.  Sometimes it is a quiet voice at the end of the day that says, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’”  Biblical scripture offers us both courage and hope and my favorite quote comes from Paul in his letter to the Philippians (4:6-7); “The Lord is near.  Don’t be anxious about anything; rather, bring up all of your requests to God in your prayers and petitions, along with giving thanks.  Then the peace of God that exceeds all understanding will keep your hearts and minds safe in Christ Jesus.”

HAIKU STORMS OF LIFE

Mediterranian Storm, Caesarea, Israel
Roman Port in the Storm, Caesarea, Israel

GRACE RAINS DOWN AT CAESAREA

When lightning flashes,
and thunder shatters silence,
strong winds stir the waves.

The sea is angry,
and all the world becomes dark,
as the storm arrives.

Emotional pain,
enters our lives like a storm,
and darkens our path.

We seek a refuge,
and cling to rocky high ground,
a port in the storm.

Our Creator sees,
and rebukes the wind and sea,
saying, "Peace! Be still!"

At Caesarea,
Cornelius called Peter,
securing peace, grace.

Calm waters return.
All people are now welcome,
to live in God’s light.

HEALING

The Power Within, Greensboro, NC

I’ve been fortunate in life. It wasn’t until late in life that I’ve dealt with any major surgeries or serious accidents as I’ve traversed a variety of adventurous paths. My recent knee replacement has brought all of this back into perspective. I’ve watched with wonder as the wound that travels along a twelve inch length of my leg has slowly but surely healed over and is now just a thin red line where the gaping incision was made to replace my original equipment with the latest titanium model.

I found it amusing during one of my first days in a reconditioning facility to discover that the morning background music was the Rock ‘N Roll genre that defined my formative years of high school and college. It became obvious that these business folks had done their demographic homework and were following the first wave of the baby boomer generation that is now moving into their senior years while continuing to break new ground for active living. As a trained Industrial Engineer, I learned the rationale of Sutton’s Law early on in my career. Slick Willie Sutton had robbed one hundred banks in the mid 1900’s and was asked why he had chosen a life of crime to rob them. His infamous response was “because that’s where the money is”.

One of the main activities of Jesus’ three year ministry involved healing. He restored a blind man’s sight and a lame man’s ability to walk again. He drove out demons and even brought folks back from the dead. Yet, everywhere he traveled there were hundreds of people who continued to suffer and even those who were healed eventually shared the common fate of all human beings. These events demonstrated his ultimate power over this world and even death itself. Many folks get angry with God when petitions for healing are not immediately received. Some even use that example as a reason to not believe. And yet, we’re surrounded by thousands of examples of healing every day of our lives when we experience such seemingly trivial things as a slight paper cut on a finger. Blood clotting immediately springs into action to stop the bleeding and life threatening infections. The miracles of healing can be overlooked and never given a second thought or cause for thanksgiving. Our mortal bodies are fearfully and miraculously made by our eternal creator and father. We are the care giver but He is the cure giver. As priceless water revitalizes parched lands, the divine light within us provides priceless healing vitality and strength coursing throughout our weakened bodies. It’s almost impossible to guess how many times this occurs throughout our lifetimes.

When we’re facing a serious need for healing, it’s good to get a plan and deal with everything including our daily lives one day at a time. And we need to be committed to living each of those days to the fullest while not getting too far ahead of ourselves. We then deal with those things we can control and trust God for the rest. Healing can be both a physical and a mindful experience.

I’ve learned that pain is an expression of weakness leaving the body. The prayers of others for strength and healing do indeed translate to God’s positive response in the body. And even those prayers for healing our mortal bodies during our last hours on this planet are answered with a new and completely restored spiritual body in the next eternal life where no pain, suffering or tears exist.