SHOWING HOSPITALITY

Alone

One of the positive issues our family discussed when entertaining a transfer to a different state was being more sympathetic to interfacing with strangers that move into our lives.  We had not left our birth state until that time and such a life changing event is always challenging.  We also discussed that such a move could be very adventurous in exploring a completely new country and meeting new people.  That can certainly be new paths in life and it can also be somewhat daunting.

I was reminded of this commitment last Sunday at our church service which meets in the Fellowship Hall featuring tables that seat eight people.  That arrangement can be more conducive to socializing with those you know, but also intimidating for strangers, compared to rows of chairs or pews.  I was having a congenial conversation just as the service started and didn’t notice a senior woman slipping into the service. 

When I turned my attention to the front, I noticed this stranger sitting alone at the next table.  I could only imagine how uncomfortable she must have been so obviously apart from others at the front of the room.  At that point, I believe that I was getting more anxious for her than she may have been about herself.  We took a break to pass the peace to those around us and thankfully others joined me in welcoming the woman.  She seemed very pleasant.  When we’re in the presence of a group of strangers, I think most of us would simply prefer to blend in at the beginning.  But we don’t want someone to feel isolated.

During the service I couldn’t help but wonder if I should have invited her to join our table, but she had elected to choose one that was available.  And that would have been disruptive during the service.  And there’s a fine line between being overzealous and ignoring someone.  However, after the service I made a point of welcoming her again and wished her a good week.  Thinking back to our first visits to area churches, there were some that never acknowledged our presence and there was the one we joined that followed up to welcome us.  That was twenty-five years ago. 

 

TAXI DRIVERS

Taxi Drivers, Chicago, IL

Taxi drivers are like Forrest Gump’s box of chocolates--you never know what you’re gonna get.  It’s two total strangers together for maybe 10 to 45 minutes.  Some are silent while others welcome conversation.  I’ve had numerous conversations with city taxi drivers about many subjects, but a few that I’ve had with immigrant drivers have been the most poignant. 

 

On a recent Thanksgiving visit to Chicago I encountered a young driver from Eastern Europe with a degree in engineering and a young man from India with a pharmaceutical degree from India.  The main reason they were now driving a taxi was because there were no opportunities in their homelands and they were paying the bills until an opportunity opened here.  On this 2022 Independence holiday, I was getting a ride from the city to O’Hare airport with a young man from Africa who had come to America alone with no skills, but a determination for the opportunity of a better life. 

 

We were discussing yesterday’s mass shooting at an Independence parade in the suburbs and the young man was incredulous that crime, lootings and shootings among young Americans are so prevalent here in America.  It’s been noted that every American in this country is richer than 95% of the rest of the world!  Many folks in America don’t see themselves as rich.  We live in unprecedented times of wealth and material possessions in this country.  If you live in this country, the majority see you as among the world’s rich, even though you do not, given your ostentatious surroundings.    

 

Malcolm Gladwell compared the suicide rates of citizens in countries such as Switzerland and Canada that declare themselves to be very happy against countries such as Greece and Portugal whose citizens declared that they are not very happy.  Ironically, the folks in the less happy countries had the lower suicide rates.  So, what’s the connection?  Psychologists attribute these human responses to a concept coined as “relative deprivation”.  As it turns out, how you feel about your “self-concept” matters very much in relation to those people immediately around you. 

The taxi driver noted that he grew up in a small African village where people lived a day-to-day existence on the bare necessities of life.  He considered he was being punished by his family because his job was to walk three miles to the nearest clean water well to carry a jug of water on his head multiple times a day.  He never had a toy and never had much time to play.  They only had electricity for a few hours each day.  He only had one meal a day.  Finally, as he came of age, he legally immigrated to America alone to seek a better life.

 

The young man passionately mentioned that everyone in this country has access to the basic needs that his family was frequently denied.  He never took another’s possessions or struck out at someone in his village.  He proclaimed that we need to help one another, not hurt one another.  We need God in our lives and family, especially in tough times.

In the brief time we interfaced with one another, I attempted to give them words of encouragement and share my story. We’re all vessels of grace that can be placed in a stranger’s path at a critical time in their life when they need hope.  I’ll never know how their story ends, but now it’s part of my story as well.  Many folks don’t always have the time or inclination to share their story, but occasionally we do have those chance encounters--such as a brief exchange with a migrant taxi driver in a distant city. And during these holiday times, we’re reminded that some people have unknowingly shown hospitality to angels.

 

JUST ONE

Solitude, Wrightsville Beach, NC

The majority of the time I approach a restaurant hostess by myself, the Pavlov response is generally “Just One?” As a single senior and when I was traveling alone on business, I have always found this to be “unwelcoming”. On occasion, my response has been “no, not just one, me!” They never have a response for that and they never consider why it’s just one today. But yesterday, I finally encountered the ultimate response at a restaurant tucked away in the Blue Ridge Mountains. As I approached the hostess with a request for a table for one, her immediate response was “Oh, then you’ll be in good company”. I left a very nice tip. Today I walked into a local restaurant for lunch and before I could even speak the host asked, “Just one?”

Ironically, we were discussing church hospitality that same evening at a visioning meeting. Progressive congregations are now placing greeters in the parking lots to assist folks in locating parking spaces and provide directions to the correct locations at the church. Members are greeting people as they approach every open door of the facility and making them feel welcome. This is all well and good provided these folks have some training and sensitivity. It was noted that a friend had recently lost her husband to a terminal disease. The experience had prompted her to visit a local church in search of a sanctuary on a very bleak early winter’s day. When she approached the main doors a greeter observed that she was by herself. Attempting to initiate some small talk, he asked her if the family had let her come to church alone this morning. She was so caught off guard that she simply turned away, walked back to her car and probably never returned.

It’s been said that you should never make any presumptions about people because you never know what their journey is all about. And everyone almost always has something going on in their life which a little sensitivity could help to soothe and resolve.