LONELINESS AND ALONENESS

ALONENESS

 About one fourth of the nation’s people live alone.  Even those who live with a partner experience time alone together.  I’ve observed couples dining out that make it through an entire meal without being in conversation.  People can be alone in a crowd.  Families gathering around the television at night can experience the concept of “getting together alone”.  They are in the presence of others, but hardly any communication is exchanged, with the possible exception of debating changing channels.  People attending events such as a church service who arrive, go directly to their chosen pew, and then exit to the parking lot practice “getting together alone”.  And how often do we see images of teenagers and older folks out in public and alone together staring at their digital devices?  The entire world has gone through the collective negative trauma for over two years of isolation and aloneness during the Covid pandemic.

Loneliness can be an omnipotent and painful emotion for those who focus on being alone.  But there are many positive values to the concept of aloneness or solitude.  Paul Tillich writes that “Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone and solitude expresses the glory of being alone”.  The frenzied mother of four small children certainly understands the glory of some alone time.  Solitude is pleasant; loneliness not so much.  May Sarton notes that “loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self.  Neither should be a lifestyle, but solitude is the better choice when being alone.  Solitude is good medicine for recharging and reflection! 

Loneliness is the inevitable experience of everyone, but it can be offset by learning our way around it and focusing on liking the person you have spent your entire life with in both good times and bad.  Instead of searching for people that will understand you, strive to understand yourself.  Introverts likely do have an advantage adjusting to aloneness, but all people need a support network and social connections.  We were created in God’s image as relational beings after all!  And our creator has gone on record as committing to be with us always. But of course, relationship is a two-way street.  He won’t necessarily come uninvited. We have to take time out to nurture that relationship and open up to the joys and concerns of our life.  We have to make a habit of talking and listening or we’ll simply coexist alone together.

Taking the time to refocus on others and not oneself through volunteer activities and activities that can still be enjoyed both inside and outside the home is mana for the soul and psyche.  It’s being deliberate in scheduling time exercising and exploring the world.  No troubling emotion can resist grace forever.