SYNONYMS AND NUANCES

SOLITUDE

Language gives us the ability to communicate to ourselves and others by thinking, talking, reading and writing.  Other species have some ability to communicate but none of them have language.  Once we learn a language, it becomes as automatic as breathing and we don’t give it much thought.  It’s been observed that the English language is difficult to learn because of all the subtle nuances of words and their understanding of both the sender and receiver.  I remember one brutal winter night in Kansas when we decided to prepare Chinese food for dinner.  When I volunteered to retrieve the Wok, our schnauzer immediately ran to the front door for her nightly walk!  That happens to us supposedly higher intelligence beings also.

I’ve spent some time pondering over the nuances of the words happiness and joy plus loneliness and solitude.  They could actually be considered as complete antonyms.  If you Google these words, you will likely find them in a Thesaurus listed under the category of synonyms or comparable words.  But in my experience, I consider it good human psychology to differentiate both pairs of supposed synonyms in the interest of good emotional health.

At any point in our lives, if we focus on happiness as a cure for loneliness we will be left with a futile search.  Loneliness focuses on the pain of being alone, so it’s not uncommon for folks to seek a cure in quick, temporary, external, worldly fixes.  Joy and solitude can be found in seeking internal peace through self-reflection and focusing on relationships and the pursuit of making the world around us better than we found it.

The challenges of life and seeking happiness can sometimes be compared to a merry-go-round that becomes increasingly faster and faster.  The dark depression of languishing in loneliness can slow life to a standstill.  Both can drain your energy until you take the initiative to jump off, immerse yourself in the joy of solitude and recharge.  

 

HAPPINESS IS LIKE A BUTTERFLY

RESTING BUTTERFLY I

RESTING BUTTERFLY II

If you Google “Happiness” on the internet, which is where I get a lot of my information these days, you will quickly find a quote which folks have used in various forms from Henry David Thoreau.  Thoreau has written that “Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.”

Different Native American tribes interpret butterflies in their own way, but generally, they're thought to represent change and transformation, comfort, hope and joy. 

 I remember chasing after Swallowtail butterflies on their annual migrations and just when you get close enough, they casually move along on the summer breeze.  I suspect there are childhood memories of many adults doing the same thing and learning the same lesson.  And if we’ve run the gauntlet of life on this planet for enough years, it’s very easy to relate that experience to the concept of happiness that also can be very elusive. 

Our culture considers the path to happiness strewn with all imaginable sorts of worldly stuff which the Mad Men of Madison Avenue subliminally and not so subliminally barrage us with over the course of almost every waking hour on the planet. One of Best Buy’s ads said it all; “I want it all and I want it now!”  We’re definitely an “instant gratification” society.  Don Draper of the 1960’s Mad Men advertising series wrapped things up neatly when he made a pitch to a CEO for their business; “What is happiness?  It’s the moment before we need more happiness.”  Advertisers and salespersons know that looking for happiness in all the wrong worldly places can be very short lived!

But if we simply go about our life following the greatest commandment which Jesus proclaimed of loving our creator and our brothers and sisters, the butterfly will glide in and sit on our shoulder.  We can experience a lasting happiness in life when we help someone who has no possibility of returning the favor.  If we do something for someone and expect something in return, we’re doing business!  This may bring a temporary happiness, but not the internal joy that has lasting power in our life.

We will face difficult circumstances in the course of a life that are beyond our control with one exception—how we respond.  And we should be careful not to confuse temporary, external circumstance, happiness with eternal, internal, joy that reveals which gods we worship in life.  We were created to be forever joyful which I consider to be a more informed extension of happiness that will dwell peacefully in our heart.

LIFE LESSONS

 

Field of Dreams, Jamestown, NC

I recently happened upon some parting thoughts by Donna Ashworth whom I do not know, but I related to many of her observations on a life well lived and it prompted me to consider a few of my own:

We are born three times:  the day of our first breath, the day we figure out why we were born and the day our spirit is homeward bound on our last breath. 

Growing old gracefully is the best revenge.  We know it’s inevitable so why try to live against the wind?  Everyone dies, but not everyone lives to the fullest.  Embrace life as the adventure that awaits us with every day’s challenges and joys.  Wouldn’t the world be so much brighter if we took the time to see a person’s soul and not their outward appearance?

Don’t burn daylight being concerned about other people’s opinion of you because they are quite probably more self-centered and less confident--and it was never about you anyway.  If you can’t be kind, learn to be quiet.

Only one man ever walked this planet in perfection.  He spent three years of intense teaching to show us how to live to strive for such an unreachable goal and left us with the beautiful concept of grace.  If someone cuts you off in traffic, let them go and cool your jets.  You never know what they are dealing with at the time and it’s probably best not to get in the middle of it.

Chasing happiness is elusive, as its reward is obtained from external stimuli like buying stuff and the effect wears off the second the price tags are removed.  But joy can be found internally, without the need for things of this world.

Many folks only see and comment on what others do wrong.  Surprise people by catching them doing something right and acknowledging it!  A simple handwritten “Thank You” note works wonders because so few people do it.

Just about anything we do in excess as we traverse this life is damaging.  Anything in moderation is preferable.  Replace stress and worry with joy and peace.  Many things in life are out of our control except one thing—our response.  Leave the rest to our Heavenly Father and try again in the morning.

We’re a curious human species.  We see in life what we look for in life.  If we look for negatives, we’ll find them and the same is true for positives.  A headline reading “dog bites man” won’t get our attention, but “man bites dog” will always do the trick.  “If it bleeds, it leads” is a mantra that has stood the test of time.

Always drink the good wine and use the good dishes.  Tomorrow is guaranteed to no one. Live a life that plans for the future, learns from the past, and fully embraces the present, for that is all we’re guaranteed and where life is played out. Try to leave your sphere of influence a little better than you found it and encourage others to help heal the brokenness.  One simple act of kindness trumps a thousand platitudes.

DESTINATION ADDICTION

 

Destination Addiction, Jamestown, NC

Beautiful weather this time of the year to avoid the fallacy of “destination addiction” seeking external happiness around the next bend, the next purchase, the next partner, etc. Add a little internal joy to your day and score a cold brew on a “trip to nowhere in particular” until the cup is empty while your cup runneth over.

TIBETAN PRAYER FLAGS

Tibetan Prayer Flags, Jamestown, NC

PEACE, HAPPINESS, COURAGE, LOVE, TRANQUILITY & WISDOM

These traditional Tibetan Prayer Flags are placed where one desires to bring harmony to the surrounding area. Tibetans believe that as the flags are moved by the wind, prayers and mantras on them will spread goodwill and compassion into the pervading space.

Thoughts and prayers help us to align ourselves with the actions required to accomplish the harmonious will of all creation.

“Happiness comes when your work and words are of benefit to yourself and others.”

AGING

DON'T LET THE OLD MAN IN

“When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old.   —Mark Twain

We measure our lives by the number of times we circle the sun, but there are many other metrics and observations that are more defining such as Mark Twain’s quote above.  My young grandson asked me why I wasn’t wearing my seatbelt as I sat next to him in the back seat.  I rarely sit there anymore and I simply forgot to put it on, so I replied “Because I’m an old person."  He paused and considered this and then matter-of-factly said through the unfiltered mind of a child, “You’re right”.  Don’t count on your looks as they won’t last the journey, but your sense of humor will only get better with age.

There’s an old saying that “Youth is the gift of nature, but age is a work of art.  Forty is the old age of youth; fifty the youth of old age.  You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.”  Life is a never-ending adventure.  Clint Eastwood was asked by the singer/songwriter Toby Keith about the secret of his youthful vigor and he simply said “I get up every morning and don’t let the old man in.”  Our trips around the sun should have no bearing on our demeanor, in fact, how old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are this year?

Our spirits and our souls are eternal.  Our bodies are composed of the stardust of the Big Bang.  We do not walk the Earth, rather we are the Earth.  We see ourselves and most people as they appear in a mirror, but if we could see their soul instead, we would most assuredly see many of them youthfully different!  Inevitably leaving this earthly life need not be a daunting concern—not any more than a river entering the ocean.  We’re not lost in the vastness of the universe as our body returns to stardust, but our soul becomes part of the universe as love transcends death.    

Happiness in life is a transient result of external stimuli, but joy can be nurtured from within and is lasting.  Burning life hours in the pursuit of things of this life is fleeting and ultimately meaningless, but discovering the joy of receiving grace and eternal love is priceless.  And we’ve been given the free will to live life as we see fit.  We will all fall short as mortals, but the best advice is to live life as honorably and trustworthy as possible so that we can look back as we age and smile.

 

LIFE’S PATH

Happiness Still Life, Jamestown, NC

Footprints in the Snow, KS

ONE MORE JOURNEY AROUND THE SUN

Life is a journey to be experienced full of adventure, love, hope and human kindness—not a destination as we follow our bliss.  And it’s also about the company that joins us along the way and walks beside us at every fork in our path.  Some enter for a reason, a season or a lifetime.  And some of the most challenging paths lead to the most satisfying moments.  Take the road less traveled at times to discover serendipity.  

 

We should always be looking forward and charting a path, but always testing the winds of fortune to find alternate routes.  Embrace change and the journey into the unknown because change is the only certainty and resistance is futile.  Triumphs encourage us and disappointments strengthen our resolve.  There may even be a few occasions when we need to turn around and walk it back.

 

Everyone’s path is different, so we must be wary of judging others.  If we take the time to walk their path for a while, we may find our judgement dissolving.  And if we’re paying attention to the challenges and the people we encounter, we’ll never lose if we don’t lose the lessons learned which help to develop our spiritual character.  That’s the human job description.  

 

Understand the difference between seeking temporary happiness and eternal joy.  Joy is found internally while happiness is based on external things.  Every waking day is a new creation and a new opportunity.  People that know you today as you have matured know a much different person than you were in the past.  Live life so that you can reflect on yours at any time and smile.  Enjoy the ride because paths were made for adventurous journeys!  

 

In the end, we keep only the good memories of our journey on a short leash and leave only footprints on the hearts of those we’ve loved to accompany along life’s path.

 

WHAT IS HAPPINESS?

 

Joy of New Life, Jamestown, NC

We will face difficult circumstances in the course of a life that are beyond our control with one exception—how we respond.  

And we should be careful not to confuse temporary, external circumstance, happiness with eternal, internal, joy that reveals which gods we worship in life.  We were created to be forever joyful, not forever happy.  

Circumstances may contribute to happiness, but joy is a mindset.

Perhaps that is the elusive lesson of the story in the book of Job.  The use of hyperbole always makes an impression and this story may be just that regarding things of this life that bring happiness.  We live in a broken world where suffering is not always a penalty for wrongdoing and prosperity is not always a reward for goodness.  The rain falls on all fields.  But as long as we keep the good things of this world in perspective that bring us happiness and recognize that they are only a heartbeat away from being lost, we won’t miss out on the joy that can sustain us. 

 “What is happiness?  

It’s the moment before we need more happiness.”

—Don Draper, Mad Men

IRONY

After the Storm, Jamestown, NC

I was out walking on the golf course last week when a buddy commented on the very hot and humid August weather. Without giving it much thought, I responded that was quite true, but if we weren’t enduring the heat and sweat that day, we wouldn’t have much appreciation for the beautiful fall golfing weather that we'd be enjoying in just a few short weeks.

Isn’t it ironic that we generally have to experience the extreme negatives in life to fully appreciate the wonderful blessings we receive all the time? There are many times when I’m driving down the interstate highways with the windows partially down and the wind is coursing through the interior cabin. That prompts me to crank up the volume on the radio to sing along with some of my favorite road trip songs. Then just as I become aware of the noise pollution surrounding me, I close the windows and turn off the radio. Only then do I really have a genuine appreciation for the beautiful silence that was there all the time.

We’ve been given life so that we may experience it to the fullest. Of course, there are stretches of time where the fullness is overflowing and overwhelming. If we can just make it to what I like to call “the eye of the hurricane” after a grueling project or rough patch in the road and take some vacation time off, that period of rest and relaxation can really get our batteries recharged again. And we appreciate the peaceful moments even more.

A dark and dismal day in late autumn with a nuisance misty rain coming down for hours can certainly create a sad and depressing mood. There’s a realization that the warm days of summer and fall are quickly fading and the cold and fallow season of winter is near. Then the clouds begin to clear, a rainbow appears in the east and sunbeams stream through the windows. As you step outside, the air is crisp and clean. The light is filtering through the colorful autumn leaves, creating an atmosphere of standing in the middle of a grand European cathedral with the soft light of multi-colored stained glass warming your face. The switch to happiness clicks on in an instant.

We enjoy one another’s presence for years. We become so complacent with someone’s company that it is easily taken for granted. Then one day that presence is absent forever. That gives us plenty of time to appreciate the memories of being with them. Isn’t it ironic that we have to experience the negative and positive opposites in life to fully appreciate our blessings? And sometimes that works in reverse.

HAPPINESS

Mad Men, Purple Clover

One of those seemingly eternal truths that I think I’ve finally discovered after living and struggling to the official age of social security retirement benefits is that there is a profound difference between happiness and joy in life. On the surface, they seem to be compatible synonyms. In fact, the Webster Thesaurus lists joyous as the first synonym of happy. Perhaps I'm just parsing words. So, what’s the big deal? Well, for one thing, I think you could also consider these two words as complete antonyms. Our culture considers the path to happiness strewn with all imaginable sorts of worldly stuff which the Mad Men of Madison Avenue subliminally and not so subliminally barrage us with over the course of almost every waking hour on the planet. Best Buy’s latest motto says it all; “I want it all and I want it now”! We’re definitely an “instant gratification” society.

We wish each other a "Happy Birthday" and a "Happy New Year". We close our writings with "Have a nice day", appended by a happy face icon. We expect to be happy and when life doesn't follow the script of a typical TV sitcom, we get depressed because it's not supposed to be like that--or is it? Our American culture has more wealth and stuff than any society that ever walked the planet and we’re not very happy. Maybe we need more joy in our lives. We were not created for perpetual happiness. Happiness is temporary, lasting 30 seconds to an hour or two, because it is based on external circumstances, like buying stuff. When one of the richest men on the planet at the turn of the century was asked “How much is enough?”, he answered, “Just a little bit more." The richest man in the annals of human history, King Solomon, opened his book of Ecclesiastes with the observation that everything is "Meaningless! Meaningless! Everything is meaningless."

We oftentimes reach a crossroads in life where our material demands and our spiritual growth are intersecting! We should be mindful of where we find ourselves spending our time. That reveals where our heart resides. And that reveals what gods we worship in life, bringing us either temporary happiness or eternal joy.