HIGH SCHOOL FRIENDS & ENEMIES

Buck and Jonathan, Art Institute, Chicago, IL

Are these two students friends or enemies? I took this image of Buck and Jonathan’s photograph at an Art Institute of Chicago exhibit last weekend. I was drawn to the photo when I noticed an Asian man taking great pains to record the image on his camera. The photographer, Julie Moos, spent almost a year at a high school with students and staff to understand the students’ relationships and then invited them to be photographed in pairs. However, she didn’t let them know with whom they were paired until the last minute. They might have been with friend or foe. The students were asked to sit beside one another and look directly into the camera lens.

Once the photographs are placed on exhibit, observers are challenged to determine which of the duos are friends or enemies. The exercise forces us to re-examine not only our own high school relationships, but also our own filters, biases and stereotypes.

What first impressions do we perceive that is surely based on those filters and biases? Could these cloud our perception and judgement of people we meet to block interactions that fate has placed on our path? Would we now re-evaluate how we respond at the next meeting? This project is as much a social experiment as it is photographic art.

Too often we get more concerned about the outside of a person than the inside, e.g., if we don’t have tattoos we judge people who have them. It’s been rightly said, “Never mistake the moment for the man.” Appearance and first impressions can be deceptive, so we must be aware. These students may or may not look similar, but we are only seeing their outside and we must recognize that sometimes we see a splinter in someone’s eye while overlooking the log in ours! We should always look in the mirror before peeking out the window.

And what about Buck and Jonathan? How do you think their different races have affected their relationship? Does Jonathan’s “Harvard” sweatshirt provide any clue? Do they seem at ease or in tension beside each other? Ms. Moos provides no clues or answers. It’s up to us to decide and in the process we may just learn something about ourselves.

Additional pairs from the “Friends and Enemies” exhibit at the Mint Museum in Charlotte, NC, can be found at:
http://www.mintmuseum.org/art/exhibitions/detail/vantagepoint-1-julie-moos-friends-and-enemies/

LINT FILTERS AND RELATIONSHIPS

CLEAN BEFORE EACH LOAD, Jamestown, NC

Valentine’s Day 2014

A Facebook friend recently shared a thought by Chip Ingram that caught my attention. It simply stated that “A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other”. That’s a good thing to consider for anybody in a committed relationship on this Valentine’s week 2014. Perhaps it made more of an impact this morning as I finished the laundry and removed trapped cotton fibers from the dryer’s lint filter. It’s always wise to check the filter in case it’s completely jammed with anything that circulates out of the dryer as the clothes are readied for another fresh day.

So what in the world does a lint filter have to do with a perfect relationship? Well, as imperfect humans, we all need to come to grips with the concept that perfection is difficult to achieve. My wife Karen had developed a minor sinus irritation. As a consequence, she was always in possession of a tissue. And those tissues generally ended up in any possible pocket of her wardrobe. We both worked, so it was reasonable for both of us to share household duties and the weekend laundry fell on my side of the ledger. Needless to say, some of those ubiquitous tissues ended up in the laundry almost every week and I was always fishing their scattered remains out of the lint filter. Then I would complain and we’d exchange a few barbs back and forth in our weekly recycled tissue ritual. It was never a big deal but always a small irritation.

Then Karen was diagnosed with breast cancer. The next time I discovered a full lint filter, I was reminded that it was small stuff indeed and a blessing to validate her presence. And I never mentioned it again. That was a period of total appreciation for each other. Now whenever I clean the lint filter, I’m reminded of her memory and the day I resolved to filter out the small stuff and accept the imperfections in our relationship. The lint filter in my dryer is embossed with the instruction to “clean before each load”. That’s a good reminder to filter out all the small stuff in our head before each interaction. One of the biggest mistakes a couple can make is to commit to a relationship with the intent of changing the other person. And it always seems to be the small stuff that distracts us from the important stuff which can eventually destroy the relationship if not resolved—it’s much better to accept our little imperfections and refuse to give up on each other.