I spent the entire morning today completing a heart stress test in preparation for having my second knee joint replaced. I’m hoping it will be my last, as I only have two of these, but I suppose that will be somewhat contingent on the results of the stress test. It’s generally just a two joint deal unless you out live them. What I didn’t realize until I showed up at the testing facility today is that I would be injected with a small amount of radioactive tracer directly into my blood stream via an IV. After an hour’s wait, I was then placed under a strange device labeled as a collimator which took numerous images of my heart at rest. Then I was escorted to a tread mill which was sequentially ramped up until my heart rate was essentially doubled. And another shot of radioactive tracer was once again injected into my body. More images were taken under the mysterious collimator after my heart settled down.
As I was being released back out into the world of flu germs and food, I asked the technician how many nights might pass until I ceased to glow in the dark. She didn’t blink an eye and replied that “You really need to stay away from airports and landfills. They both have scanners that will detect your radioactive body and set off alarms”. Well, that made my day, since my titanium left knee already sets off the metal detectors. Now I’m just a bit concerned to notice that I have this strange taste in my mouth and every time I cough my garage doors automatically open...
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