AS WE GROW OLDER HAIKU

Aging Well and Remembering

As we grow older,

Aging well is the answer,

Live in the moment.

 

As we grow older,

We embrace eternal truths,

Life is difficult.

 

As we grow older,

Exercise body and brain,

And age gracefully.

 

As we grow older,

Make time a priority,

And spend it wisely.

 

As we grow older,

Worldly things are meaningless,

But not love that’s shared.

 

As we grow older,

Home is no longer a place,

But a state of mind.

 

As we grow older,

We frequently say goodbye,

But life will go on.

 

As we grow older,

Faith and cherished memories,

Will sustain us through.

As we grow older,

Those involved inherit the,

Richness of aging.

As we grow older,

We understand the worst thing,

Is not the last thing!

RELATIONAL CONNECTIONS THAT MATTER

 

Disconnected

“Tell your story.  Shout it. Write it.

Whisper it if you have to.  But tell it.

Some won't understand it.

Some will outright reject it.

But many will thank you for it.

And then the most magical thing will happen.

One by one, voices will start whispering, 'Me, too.'

And your tribe will gather.

And you will never feel alone again.” ---L.R. Knost

Johann Hari writes in his book Lost Connections that “Loneliness isn’t the physical absence of other people, it’s the sense that you’re not sharing anything that matters with anyone else. If you have lots of people around you - perhaps even a husband or wife, or a family, or a busy workplace - but you don’t share anything that matters with them, then you’ll still be lonely.”

Christianity is the only faith that teaches that God is one being that exists as three; Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Each being in this Trinity delights in and glorifies the other. This Triumvirate has related to each other for all eternity. When the Son was challenged by the religious leaders of the time regarding which of all the commandments and laws was the greatest, he simply responded that we should love God and others, i.e., we should be relational. After all, we were created in God’s image so we should expect parallels in our being.

We human beings like to relate to one another.  But there’s a time-honored truth that we can easily be alone in a crowd.  We have to meaningfully relate to the crowd, at least a segment of the crowd in our sphere of influence.  Small talk can be a nice ice breaker or useful when time is limited, but if we don’t have the opportunity and time to share those things that really matter in our life, we won’t experience the joy of truly connecting that we all need to survive.  We’ve probably all observed the loss of someone who lost all hope of connection, but we need to be reminded that a connection is always open to our Creator. 

And once we connect with those who are genuinely interested in what we share that matters in our lives, we become more genuinely relational and fulfill our destiny to be more involved in what matters to them.

OUR COLLECTIVE PAST

 

Ken Venturi and Ben Hogan

“Some green untested souls might be tempted to wonder why one should still care, but none of us are here forever, we’re not even here for long; and if it’s true that our collective past exists inside all of us, unless we take time to bear witness to the best of those who strived before us, our chance to learn from their lives will be lost forever, and we will be the poorer for it.”  --Mark Frost, The Match

The Mark Frost quote above is worth rereading.  It’s the final words from the book, The Match, summarizing what has been called one of the greatest golf matches ever played.  It was arranged by two millionaires during the infamous Pro-Am Clambake on the Monterey Peninsula in California, hosted by Bing Crosby.  The essence of the bet was that two young rising amateurs were now capable of beating two of the best professionals of the time. 

The best-ball match was arranged between Ben Hogan and Byron Nelson versus Ken Venturi and Harvie Ward.  They agreed to quietly meet at Cyprus Point on the morning of January 10, 1956 so they would not be distracted by the players and fans, but an estimated 5,000 had gathered by the time word spread as they finished the round.  The contest was so close with both teams fully engaged in the competition that the pros ended up winning by only one up with a net score of 58, 14 strokes under par.  The margin of victory ended up being the eagle that Ben Hogan scored on the tenth hole.

The immortal foursome would never play another round of golf together as their most relentless opponent, time, would inevitably outlast them all.  But all four of these men in the course of their careers capitalized on their collective past and exploited the best attributes they needed to be the very best they could be in their lifetimes.

And this applies to the game of life as well.

REWARDING BEHAVIOR

Strawberry Acai Lemonade, Greensboro, NC

“Let us add a little joy to your day.”

I recently returned to the gym after a brief hiatus for Covid, Chicago, home projects and golfing.  I’ve always believed that we should celebrate life’s accomplishments in accordance with the magnitude of the effort and results.  For instance, on occasion I will monitor my calories burned while exercising and if I exceed 400 calories, I just might hit Starbucks drive-thru for a free 300 points Grande vanilla bean Frappuccino with a shot!  I may not lose weight that day, but I still leave the gym in my rearview mirror in better shape and frame of mind than when I arrived.

I sort of took it easy today, but felt that I certainly earned a Grande strawberry acai lemonade on my way home.  As I was driving to no place in particular and enjoying my free reward, it occurred to me that the Starbucks Star Rewards Program does a very good job of keeping track of my wants and desires.  I was beginning to feel like a trained dog or seal that gets treats for performing a trick.  Then again, over 25 million members must consider this a good thing.  And I don’t rank an inflated $5.00 drink nearly as high as a $150.00 spending spree on stuff to elevate my demeaner, especially since both are equally fleeting.

Members accumulate reward stars for each dollar spent, for special incentives to buy certain items you like, the number of trips you make in a specified time limit, games, etc.  The rewards are not that hard to accumulate for free drinks or food which is why I’ve essentially quit participating in airline frequent flyer programs, given the unattainable rewards.  If you think there may be a sophisticated computer algorithm tracking your every move, you’d be correct.  But frankly, I don’t mind Big Brother watching my coffee likes as much as my google searches and physical moves.  Most of those are pretty mundane though.  I gave up my undercover job years ago. 

The 25 million Starbucks loyalty members account for about 40% of sales in the US market.  And the company has obviously recognized the eternal business truth many successful organizations have embraced that “It’s easier to retain customers than attracting new ones!”

ROSE RAIN DROPS HAIKU

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Rose Rain Drops, Jamestown, NC

Rose colored rain drops,

Sparkling in the bright sunshine,

After the rain storm.

Uncut diamonds,

With trace elements of rose,

Brilliant fire light.

 

AGING

Doris Day (1922-2019)

THE IMPERMANENCE OF LIFE

My surviving High School class of 1960 (Rough as Hell, twice as frisky) is turning 80 this year and getting some interesting comments on social media.  Coincidently, I stumbled across a post soliciting comments about aging and I found some of them very raw and insightful.  There’s no denying that we are in the fourth quarter of life at this juncture, but attitude has a big influence as always.  And so does reflection.

I also ran across these aging photos of popular screen actress Doris Day who was popular during our lifetime and starred along with Rock Hudson and Tony Randall in the 1959 hit, Pillow Talk.  She lived to the age of 97.  'You have to stay positive,' Doris told Closer Weekly. She cautioned that worrying is a waste of time. 'Whatever will happen, will happen.'

So, I copied and pasted some of the comments I found to be interesting, settled down with a Jameson and water and thought I would document what I discovered.  Here’s a few selections:

·          If you are not happy where you are, you probably won't be happy anywhere. --Age 80 and loving life.

·          Every phase of life is both challenging and rewarding. You can adapt, improvise and overcome or you can whine and suffer. Carpe Diem!

·         It is a strange part of the journey. Every day, instead of gaining strength and ability, you have to give ground step by step, lose friends and family, give up what you have gained in life. The final in your face lesson is impermanence.

·         It’s the indignity of being irrelevant, invisible, and disposable after a lifetime of value.

·         Becoming redundant is no crime, it is just a matter of retiring gracefully with replacement parts.

·         I find growing older is a process of taking in the realization that you have more freedom and time to explore opportunities. At times, you have to negotiate health challenges. Lack of dignity, relevance, independence and loss of friends can be the hardest part.

·         Best quote I ever heard was “growing old is a ceremony of losses”, having watched my parents age and pass I couldn’t think of a better way to describe it.

·         Age could be a reward for living well.  Attitude and faith make the difference.

·         It has become clear to me that aging itself does not bring wisdom. It often brings regression to childishness, dependency, and bitterness over lost opportunities. Only those who are still intellectually, emotionally, spiritually growing inherit the richness of aging. ~James Hollis

·         A life well lived is the best revenge.  And the measure of a life well lived is not having to look back with the regret of not confronting all of life’s challenges, regardless of the outcomes.

·         With age comes wisdom, but sometimes age comes alone.

Black Swallowtail & Dragon Fly at Water's Edge

 Black Swallowtail & Dragon Fly at Water's Edge

To become a butterfly you must have a desire for flight that is

passionate enough to enable you to sacrifice your life as an 

earthbound caterpillar.

What if a man dreamed he was a butterfly?

What if a butterfly dreamed he was a man?

Are you the dream or the dreamer?

Its been said that if you awake at night, 

it's because you're in someone's dream. 

Perhaps a butterfly.

LIFE MAINTENANCE

Life Maintenance

I just recently ran across the term “life maintenance” and I was surprised that it took me so long as I’ve been practicing it all of my life.  Some examples of the basic things we need to do to maintain our lives involves a lot of mundane things like foraging for food, cleaning the house, mowing the lawn, paying bills, etc.  None of these activities seem to be worth trading our limited life hours for their accomplishment, but all of these activities are necessary to sustain our life! And they will overwhelm you unless you deal with them as they become a priority.

In the last few weeks, I experienced the failure of my washing machine and the failure of the hot water valve needed to supply water to the replacement machine.  I no sooner had that resolved when the mechanism that controls the flow of water in one of the bathroom toilet tanks started to scream like a banshee with each flush.   I woke early this morning to drive a couple friends to the airport for a red-eye flight, then returned home for some strong coffee and cereal, then drove to an early appointment at the dreaded DMV to renew my driver’s license, then stopped off at Lowe’s to purchase a boss Fluidmaster for the tank, then drove to Publix to forage for food after my return from a trip to Chicago and mowed the lawn before the summer heat index peaked. 

I remember driving my Ford as a teenager and noticing in my rearview mirror that there was no smoke exiting my exhaust pipe.  Then it occurred to me that I hadn’t checked the oil level lately.  When I stopped and checked, the dipstick showed it was empty!  I almost ruined the entire engine.

Those examples led me to understand the meaning of the service or useful life of things, e.g., how long an asset is likely to be profitable or useful or relevant.  A key component of extending the service life of a vehicle or organization is how well we analyze and maintain them.  An airliner might have a mission time of 11 hours, a predicted active Mean Time Between Failure of 10,000 hours without maintenance or 15,000 hours with maintenance, reliability of .99999 and a service life of 40 years.  When you board an airliner and discover coffee stains on your assigned seat, do you now have doubts about the maintenance of the jet engines?  Would you book that airline again?   

Human relations also need maintenance.  It’s been observed that “one honeymoon is not enough for a lifetime of marriage.”  And we can’t expect any organization like a business or a church to sail along smoothly forever without life maintenance as the world changes all around them. 

Are things falling apart right before your eyes?  When was the last time you checked the oil?     

 

TAXI DRIVERS

Taxi Drivers, Chicago, IL

Taxi drivers are like Forrest Gump’s box of chocolates--you never know what you’re gonna get.  It’s two total strangers together for maybe 10 to 45 minutes.  Some are silent while others welcome conversation.  I’ve had numerous conversations with city taxi drivers about many subjects, but a few that I’ve had with immigrant drivers have been the most poignant. 

 

On a recent Thanksgiving visit to Chicago I encountered a young driver from Eastern Europe with a degree in engineering and a young man from India with a pharmaceutical degree from India.  The main reason they were now driving a taxi was because there were no opportunities in their homelands and they were paying the bills until an opportunity opened here.  On this 2022 Independence holiday, I was getting a ride from the city to O’Hare airport with a young man from Africa who had come to America alone with no skills, but a determination for the opportunity of a better life. 

 

We were discussing yesterday’s mass shooting at an Independence parade in the suburbs and the young man was incredulous that crime, lootings and shootings among young Americans are so prevalent here in America.  It’s been noted that every American in this country is richer than 95% of the rest of the world!  Many folks in America don’t see themselves as rich.  We live in unprecedented times of wealth and material possessions in this country.  If you live in this country, the majority see you as among the world’s rich, even though you do not, given your ostentatious surroundings.    

 

Malcolm Gladwell compared the suicide rates of citizens in countries such as Switzerland and Canada that declare themselves to be very happy against countries such as Greece and Portugal whose citizens declared that they are not very happy.  Ironically, the folks in the less happy countries had the lower suicide rates.  So, what’s the connection?  Psychologists attribute these human responses to a concept coined as “relative deprivation”.  As it turns out, how you feel about your “self-concept” matters very much in relation to those people immediately around you. 

The taxi driver noted that he grew up in a small African village where people lived a day-to-day existence on the bare necessities of life.  He considered he was being punished by his family because his job was to walk three miles to the nearest clean water well to carry a jug of water on his head multiple times a day.  He never had a toy and never had much time to play.  They only had electricity for a few hours each day.  He only had one meal a day.  Finally, as he came of age, he legally immigrated to America alone to seek a better life.

 

The young man passionately mentioned that everyone in this country has access to the basic needs that his family was frequently denied.  He never took another’s possessions or struck out at someone in his village.  He proclaimed that we need to help one another, not hurt one another.  We need God in our lives and family, especially in tough times.

In the brief time we interfaced with one another, I attempted to give them words of encouragement and share my story. We’re all vessels of grace that can be placed in a stranger’s path at a critical time in their life when they need hope.  I’ll never know how their story ends, but now it’s part of my story as well.  Many folks don’t always have the time or inclination to share their story, but occasionally we do have those chance encounters--such as a brief exchange with a migrant taxi driver in a distant city. And during these holiday times, we’re reminded that some people have unknowingly shown hospitality to angels.