YOU’RE DEAD TO ME

A Bonding Relationship, Chicago, IL

“You’re dead to me” is an old English saying that was used to announce that another was disowned or had slighted you and they would never again be part of one’s social circle in body or in spirit.  This situation was dire in ancestral times when social circles rarely exceeded two hundred people.  Your circle of influence never wavered from those same people throughout your lifetime.  In today’s rapidly changing world, many people are forced to move with the job market to remain viable and support their family which necessitates starting over in multiple locations.  

Our married life involved childhood homes in different towns and multiple housing changes in a metropolitan area before moving out of state to follow the opportunities.  As a consequence, necessity drove us to establish entirely new social circles, especially with others who were confronted with similar circumstances.  Building relationships takes time and effort and becomes even more difficult when distance separates you while new business and social relationships must be formed. 

This concept also applies to our relationship with our Creator.  Imagine sitting near an outdoor campfire or a fire pit on your patio some evening.  As you withdraw to retrieve something, you inevitably begin to cool off.  Who moved—you or the fire?  This condition can even apply to your relation with the world in general.  Paul writes in Galatians 6:14 “I will boast only about the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ; for by means of his cross the world is dead to me, and I am dead to the world.”  And God can also be dead to us if we move away from him even though he never moved.

The tragic condition of Alzheimer’s where someone slowly loses their memory is a case where they subsequently lose touch with everyone they were ever associated with in life, including those that have always been close to them.  We become dead to them through no intention of either of us.  Friends and even family in past situations slowly release the bonds of relationship simply because of distance and circumstance.  But I’ve experienced many reunions where we pick up right where we left off months or even years ago upon meeting once again.

Social ostracism of any kind is troublesome and there are good examples indicating that to forgive is divine.  For one thing, carrying a grudge against someone is like letting them live rent free in your head.  For another, it feels good to forgive and frees both individuals.  And at least in this modern era, we now have technology that also expands our ability to maintain some semblance of relationship with our wider circle of influence.

"We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.”—Orson Wells 

“And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”—Matthew 28:20