I called my central bank today to confirm the payoff amount
for a home equity loan I wanted to close without any remaining balance. My call was transferred to an unknown country
in all probability and was answered by a pleasant voice on the receiving
end.
The associate was obviously reading off of a script and took
my personal information to confirm that I wasn’t a complete stranger calling to
pay off my balance in my name. Then she
read off a long litany of statements closing with a requested response
to either acknowledge that I wanted a “no charge” statement sent or just a
verbal reply. I stated that I only
needed a number and that a verbal response would be fine, since I knew the
present balance minus a few days’ interest.
She replied that I answered too quickly and that she would once
again have to read me my rights. So,
I impatiently waited for her to read me all my rights and she concluded by
instructing me to repeat only verbal. I
couldn’t help myself so I replied “Only verbal”, drawing on my senior memory of
the pledges in the movie Animal House repeating “I, state your name…” as the pledges were initiated into the Delta Tau Chi fraternity.
This response seemed to have crossed the line with my long-time banking institution and I was told that I would now have to listen to the rules one more time and respond “Verbal” which I did and we parted amiably as I got a bonus post and the number I needed while my new friend got another senior story to tell during her next break.
Or to quote Dean Wormer, “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to
go through life!”
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