HAPPY TOGETHER

Happy Together 1968, Aspen, Colorado

My wife Karen and I were married in 1968 and celebrated forty years together in 2008 just before Breast Cancer took her life.  So, the month of October is always special to me when there’s a full court press on to fight this widespread disease!  Those forty years of course had their ups and downs as with any long-term relationship and I only wish the international bestseller The Happiness Equation by Neil Pasricha had been available early on.  I happened upon the book as I was perusing the book store at O’Hare airport in Chicago for something to occupy the time on my way back to North Carolina.  One of the jewels I took from the book is contained in a final secret chapter that’s not in the Contents page.  Its on The Law of Being Happy Together and it involves some simple but very revealing math.

Pasricha didn’t mention the hit song Happy Together by The Turtles which was released in 1967.  Perhaps that’s because he wasn’t born until 1979, even though the song has been covered by many bands including the Beatles and its been included in lots of movies since then!  These verses especially speak to me and apparently to thousands of others as well:

Me and you and you and me,

No matter how they toss the dice, it had to be.

The only one for me is you, and you for me.

So happy together.

I can’t see me lovin’ nobody but you,

For all my life.

When you’re with me, baby the skies’ll be blue,

For all my life.

But exactly how often are we happy together?  Pasricha reveals the simple statistic that if both of us were happy a good 80% of the time, we need to realize that we will only be happy together 64% (80% x 80%) of the time when our moods overlay together.  These are the best of times, the best days, the best of life together.  This also means that we are in bad moods together 4% (20% x 20%) of the time.  It also means that 32% (36%-4%) of the time one partner is in a good mood and the other is not.  Of course, these stats can apply to anyone you spend a lot of time with including your boss, associates, roommate, or sibling.  Knowing this probability could keep a lot of unhappiness in a relationship in perspective.

The bottom line is that even two of the happiest partners in the world will not be happy together for a certain percentage of the time and we have to be understanding.  I’ve always liked the advice that its easy to love the lovable, but it’s a challenge to love the unlovable!  Some days we’re just not lovable—especially at the same time.  Our moods have a tremendous influence on each other as we roll the dice together and the skies won’t always be blue for all our lives together.  It takes work to be happy together!