ALWAYS WITH US

ABOVE THE CLOUDS, Charlotte, NC

One of the benefits of flying is experiencing the constant reminder that no matter how dark and dismal it is on the ground, the sun is always shining above.  And another reminder that our creator is with us always, especially in the dark hours of the night when the moon overhead reflects the sun.

HAPPY TOGETHER

Happy Together 1968, Aspen, Colorado

My wife Karen and I were married in 1968 and celebrated forty years together in 2008 just before Breast Cancer took her life.  So, the month of October is always special to me when there’s a full court press on to fight this widespread disease!  Those forty years of course had their ups and downs as with any long-term relationship and I only wish the international bestseller The Happiness Equation by Neil Pasricha had been available early on.  I happened upon the book as I was perusing the book store at O’Hare airport in Chicago for something to occupy the time on my way back to North Carolina.  One of the jewels I took from the book is contained in a final secret chapter that’s not in the Contents page.  Its on The Law of Being Happy Together and it involves some simple but very revealing math.

Pasricha didn’t mention the hit song Happy Together by The Turtles which was released in 1967.  Perhaps that’s because he wasn’t born until 1979, even though the song has been covered by many bands including the Beatles and its been included in lots of movies since then!  These verses especially speak to me and apparently to thousands of others as well:

Me and you and you and me,

No matter how they toss the dice, it had to be.

The only one for me is you, and you for me.

So happy together.

I can’t see me lovin’ nobody but you,

For all my life.

When you’re with me, baby the skies’ll be blue,

For all my life.

But exactly how often are we happy together?  Pasricha reveals the simple statistic that if both of us were happy a good 80% of the time, we need to realize that we will only be happy together 64% (80% x 80%) of the time when our moods overlay together.  These are the best of times, the best days, the best of life together.  This also means that we are in bad moods together 4% (20% x 20%) of the time.  It also means that 32% (36%-4%) of the time one partner is in a good mood and the other is not.  Of course, these stats can apply to anyone you spend a lot of time with including your boss, associates, roommate, or sibling.  Knowing this probability could keep a lot of unhappiness in a relationship in perspective.

The bottom line is that even two of the happiest partners in the world will not be happy together for a certain percentage of the time and we have to be understanding.  I’ve always liked the advice that its easy to love the lovable, but it’s a challenge to love the unlovable!  Some days we’re just not lovable—especially at the same time.  Our moods have a tremendous influence on each other as we roll the dice together and the skies won’t always be blue for all our lives together.  It takes work to be happy together!  

DRIVE THRU GRACE

Drive Thru, Greensboro, NC

We’ve all heard about “drive by shootings” on the news these troubling days, but this morning I experienced “drive thru grace”!  I’m certain that in this day and age, I have literally spent over a hundred hours in fast food drive thru automobile lines.  And the vast majority of those ill spent hours were boring and uneventful and quite probably had some influence on my heart attack years ago.  But there have been a few that stand out in my mind like today’s experience. 

Not long after Karen and I were married, we traded for a new Oldsmobile Cutlass.  I really liked that car and it was one of the best automobiles I had ever driven.  We pulled into a fast food drive thru line to order a quick meal during the crowded dinner hour one evening.  An elderly woman ahead of us was having trouble communicating with the squawk box, so she was maneuvering her big Buick back and forth in a fruitless effort to place her order.  As it seemed that she had finally established communication with the teenager inside, I noticed that her last move had been in reverse, since her backup lights were still switched on.  I quickly glanced in my rear view mirror to check out my options, but we were inescapably trapped in line!  Then as we gasped in horror, the woman hit the accelerator to advance backwards and demolished my front grill assembly.

 After a few seconds I gathered my wits and reconciled the situation as a simple matter of being in the wrong place at the wrong time with no malice on the part of the emotional driver ahead of us.  We offered our assurances that accidents happen and exchanged pleasantries and insurance policy numbers.

This morning I was once again confronted with a young lady in a silver Dodge Charger ahead of me in line at Starbucks.  She had sort of cut me off to enter the drive thru line off the main street and I noticed that my car was now the last to clear the street in the full capacity line.  And it wasn’t helping that now the Charger was staying at least one half a car’s length behind the car in front of it.  I inched as close as possible to the Charger in order to provide room for the car behind me while grumbling all the while.  You know there are unwritten rules for operating in drive thru lines!    This actually continued all the way to the window.  As I watched the Charger finally moving away, the cashier informed me that the car ahead had paid my bill. 

There I sat after spending the past 5-10 minutes grumbling to myself at the stranger looking in her rear view mirror.  I was offering derision and she had offered grace.  I had no other response than to offer to pay for the car behind me.  The cashier let me know that this bill was half of mine.  When I arrived back home to finish the handout for a class I’ll be facilitating on the Gospel in Life, Grace Changes Everything, it occurred to me that somebody had just reminded me to stay graceful by personally delivering the same message to me.

Wouldn’t it be great is there was a drive thru dispensing grace?  Well actually, there is such a place with no lines even though many are served.  And the good news is that the price has been paid by One who has gone before us!   

             

FAITH IN THE FUTURE

Beautiful Heartland Corn Crop, Waverly, KS

New Driveway Grass Crop, Jamestown, NC

I recently had to remove a mature Maple tree close to my driveway along with the roots that had begun to encroach under the pavement.  The tree’s shade was welcome but it was also destroying the surrounding grass.  After the work was finished, I was left with a micro plot of land which begged for an over seeding of an appropriate grass blend.  I received some good advice years ago that once you plant seeds they must be nurtured and kept moist until the grass has established a good root system or you might as well scatter the seed into the street.  So, I faithfully watered the seed bed for days as the fresh shoots appeared and began to thrive in the newfound sunshine. 

I have always enjoyed yard work and planting since I’ve reasoned that I still have a bit of inherited dirt coursing through my bloodstream.  All of my grandparents were raised on rural Kansas farms and managed farms to sustain their families which included my father and mother.  My good fortune along with my other cousins was the inherited DNA those good folks bequeathed to all of us, as we were the first to be born and raised in the postwar economies of our urban lives.

I left my small grassy field to attend a family gathering last week with the expectation that nature would at least provide some rain while I was absent, especially with hurricane Dorian tracking up the east coast.  But good news and bad news awaited my return.  Dorian just skirted the coastlines and its rain bands never penetrated deep into the mainland.  The plot of land I had been nurturing was looking parched and forlorn when I arrived home.  There was even a small patch that had died due to a lack of rain.  Fortunately, I have the benefit of instant running water at my disposal and the grass is now recovering.

The trip back to my birthplace through the Heartland of America triggered lots of memories.  I remembered my farming relatives talking about how every spring planting was a true act of faith.  The ground is prepared and seed is sown.  And then it becomes a time for waiting and worrying if the rains will come on time in just the right amounts, which seldom occurs.  But somehow my grandparents survived and the welcoming descendants that gathered on a warm summer day close to harvest time were a wonderful testament to their faith in God and the future.  I have to believe that they endured innumerable dry days and dark nights of the soul where that belief enabled them to persevere.  It wasn’t the thought of an easy life for themselves but the deeply rooted faith in a better life for their grandchildren that must have sustained them. 

And all us gave thanks before breaking bread together that they did just that and we were living the American dream because of their faith in us to thrive where we were planted.