I lived
alone for a short time after I graduated from college and started my first real
job at Hercules. Karen and I were
married not too long after that when she graduated. We were together for 44 years until cancer
took her life almost 17 years ago. I was
in the process of adjusting to living alone once again and walking into a
restaurant where the hostess asked “How many?”, answering “one please”,
and getting an unwelcome response of “Oh, Just One?” And then I walked into a small restaurant for
a late lunch in Blowing Rock where I was photographing the fall colors. The owner approached me and asked the usual “How
many?” But then she surprised me
when I responded “One Please” and she replied “Oh, then you’ll be in
good company!” I left a generous tip
that day, not for the service or food which was excellent, but the life lesson
from a woman who knew the difference between loneliness and solitude.
About one
fourth of the
nation’s people live alone. With the
exception of a catastrophic accident, most all couples will face the prospect
of living alone after one departs. Even
those who live with a partner experience time alone together. I’ve observed couples dining out that make it
through an entire meal without being in conversation. People can be alone in a crowd. People attending events such as a
church service who arrive, go directly to their chosen pew, and then exit to
the parking lot, practice “getting together alone”. And how often do we see images of teenagers
and now older folks out in public and alone together staring at their cell
phones?
There are
many positive values to the concept of solitude, however. Paul Tillich writes that “Loneliness
expresses the pain of being alone and solitude expresses the glory
of being alone”. The frenzied mother of
four small children certainly understands the glory of some alone time. Solitude is pleasant; loneliness not so much. Solitude is good medicine for recharging and reflection! Jesus often went away to be in
solitude to pray and escape the demanding crowds.
Finally, loneliness
can be offset by learning our way around it and focusing on liking the
person you have spent your entire life with in both good times and
bad. All people need a support network
and social connections, like joining a breakfast club! We were created in God’s image as relational
beings after all! And our creator
has gone on record, as committing to be with us always. So, we’re never really alone! But of
course, relationship is a two-way street. We have to take time out to nurture that
relationship and open up to the joys and concerns of our life. We have to make a habit of talking
and listening or we’ll simply coexist alone together.
No
troubling emotion can resist grace forever,
especially
the grace of God promising to be with us forever!
